Please wait (make a place for me)
by maiemarr
Summary: Sometimes we find ourselves with a lot of love and bad timings.


Disclaimer: Title and overall inspiration of this fic is Scott Alan's Goodnight. (GINA THIS IS YOUR FAULT.)  
I haven't been writing, I apologize. (And when I did start finishing something, this happened. I also apologize for that.) To my trash squad, I love you always. xx

* * *

"Clarke." She hears a stern voice behind her. "Clarke stop pacing. I mean it. I swear I will punch you."

Clarke scans the room for the fifth time, her phone clutched between her fingers, her arms wrapped around a small throw pillow. She doesn't remember picking it up. She takes a deep breath and gives her friend a small smile before setting the pillow down at the middle of the couch. "I can't help it, O. You know how she gets. I just want everything to be perfect."

"I know, I know." Octavia says, shaking her head but a smile creeping on her lips. "I'm happy for you, princess."

Clarke smile lights up the entire room at this, she knows she can keep that smile until her cheeks hurt. _Hours_. She's counting hours before she sees Lexa in person. She's counting hours before they never have to say goodbye again.

"Hey, baby." She clutches her phone close to her ear. Her fingers tightening around the cold metal device. She wonders how Lexa's fingers would feel like. She wonders if they would be as cold or the opposite.

"Clarke."

"Hi."

"Hello." There were too many words to say but enough time for all of it. _I love you. I can't wait for you to be here. I love you. I love you. I am in love with you._

"Clarke."

"Hmm?"

"You're quiet. Are you alright?"

"Better. You'll be here soon." Clarke hears Octavia mock a gag beside her before moving towards the couch and grabbing a magazine from the rack beside it. She motions for Clarke to continue with her call.

"I am." She's sure she hears a smile in her voice, a smile she mirrors. "I'll be home soon."

"God this feels so good." She feels the goosebumps creep up her spine. She feels the tingles. "It feels so nice to hear you say that. I miss you."

"I miss you, too."

There was silence, a comfortable one. Clarke smiles at the peace she often feels with Lexa. She can keep this call going for hours. They didn't have to speak. _You feel a lot like home._

"Clarke."

"Keep talking. I just want to hear your voice."

She heard Lexa give a small laugh, "We just spoke an hour ago, love."

She remembers that Skype call. She remembers how it felt to see Lexa smile so wide before leaving for the airport. She remembers how it felt to know the next time she sees her, it would be face-to-face. To be able to touch her face, to hold her tight, to kiss her fingers. "I know. But that was an hour ago."

"I can hear you pouting through the phone, babe."

"A year and we're here. We're actually finally doing this."

"I know."

"Hmm. And then you'll never leave?"

"Yes. Don't worry, okay?"

"I love you."

"I know that."

"You love me."

"Very."

"Clarke, I have to go now."

"I miss you."

"I'll be home soon."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

* * *

80 minutes. Clarke checks her phone, she looks out the window to find strong rains. She sends Lexa a text to be safe. She drums her fingers on the table, refusing to start eating without Lexa. Octavia wraps an arm around her.

"Hey. She'll be here soon."

Clarke looks to her and forces a small smile. "I know. It's just... Her flight should have landed 30 minutes ago."

"You know how airports are. It's a 30 minute delay. Don't worry."

She feels herself nod. She wasn't sure she believes it.

102 minutes. Octavia has fallen asleep on the couch. Clarke can't stop thinking about Lexa. Different situations are flooding her mind. Blanket. She focuses on finding a blanket. She walks toward the closet beside the stairs and pulls a blanket, a soft furry one. She moves back to the couch and places the blanket over Octavia before sitting beside her feet. It doesn't take 5 minutes for her to be up again. She can't stop thinking about Lexa. She needs Lexa to be there. She needs Lexa to be safe. She hears a faint sound of an ambulance in the distance and jumps at the sudden rumble of thunder. She couldn't help but worry more. _Please be safe_.

135 minutes. Clarke was sitting in the dining area, she's staring at her phone. It was too quiet for comfort.

 _Too quiet._

The phone ringing was enough to wake Octavia. Clarke answers the phone not bothering to check who it was. "Lex?"

 _Hello. Is this Clarke Griffin? I'm calling for Lexa Woods._

The unrecognizable voice. The echoes of footsteps in the background that was too familiar. Clarke knew something wasn't right. Her face fell.

"Clarke." Octavia notices this enough to be by her side instantly. "What is it?"

 _I'm sorry, ma'am. She's been in an accident._

She drops the phone. She remembers Octavia holding her phone to her ear. She remembers Octavia's arms around her protectively coaxing her to stand. Her legs felt a lot like jelly. She remembers not wanting to try.

 _Clarke, please._ She remembers hearing. _Clarke we need to go the to hospital now._ She remembers nodding. She remembers submitting. She remembers the dull ache lingering all over her. Everything she heard feels like echoes.

 _Clarke, I need you to be strong._

She remembers Octavia holding her firmly. She remembers forcing her legs to keep her up, to walk, to run. "She's still alive, Clarke. She needs you to be strong." This isn't happening.

* * *

She doesn't remember how she got there.

Clarke runs to Lexa's side, she would know that hair anywhere. She never imagined to see her with eyes closed, unmoving. Never. She wants to get closer. She wants to wake her. _Baby, I'm here. Baby wake up._ The doctors were trying to tell her something. Nothing was registering. Octavia has her arms wrapped around her. She wants to scream at Octavia. She wants to be closer. She opens her mouth to speak but nothing was coming out. _Baby wake up._

* * *

Clarke is playing with Lexa's fingers. It's been around 24 hours - she wasn't sure. It still feels odd intertwining them with her own. She wonders if they would ever clasp hers. _Cold_ , she notes to herself. Lexa's fingers are cold. She wonders if they always were. She looks to her side, Octavia was fixing the flowers she bought on Lexa's bedside. "How?"

"They said there was a little girl, they said. She was about to be hit by a car and Lexa… she pushed her out of the way." Octavia stops and looks at Clarke with a pained expression. "I'm sorry." She adds, but words wouldn't wake Lexa she tried.

"This isn't fair." Clarke breathes. "She just got here. This isn't fair."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"I don't want to lose her."

"She's strong. You're strong, too. You'll get through this."

* * *

"Full name?"

"Alexandria H. Woods."

"Age?"

"26. Born on December 4."

"Does she have blood relatives around?"

"None that I know of." Clarke was certain the doctor think she's not the right person to ask of these things. "She was very private about her extended family. She and her sister were orphaned at an early age. And her sister died of lung cancer a few years back. I'm her only family now… from what I know."

"Alright, I would need you to fill out these forms, waivers. Does she have her documents?"

"I think most of them are in her luggage, yes." Her chest was tightening by the minute. She wasn't sure how she's holding this conversation together.

* * *

Clarke strokes Lexa's arm. It's been seven days and she's still been unresponsive. She remembers being there, but she doesn't quite remember what happens. She usually sits on a chair beside Lexa's bed, her face on her left arm and her right hand playing with Lexa's hair. Stroking her threads with her fingers. She always imagined how it would feel like. She never imagined this.

* * *

On the tenth day, Lexa's heart stops beating for the first time.

Octavia called Abby to stay with Clarke for when she can't be there. She worries about what Clarke would do when none of them are around. She sees her try to intertwine Lexa's fingers with hers. She sees her try to use Lexa's shoulder as a pillow. She sees her try to cry herself to sleep.

Today, Octavia was beside her coaxing her to eat. Everytime they try, Clarke simply brushes them off. "I'm fine, O. I'm just not hungry."

"Clarke, please."

"I'm okay." Octavia lets out a deep sigh, looking at Raven who rolls her eyes. Her arms crossed. This 'Clarke not eating' situation is already pissing her off.

"That's it. I can't do this. Will you please get a grip, Griffin. That is enough."

Clarke turns to her with a challenging glare. "What now."

"Stop pretending you're okay. You haven't eaten properly in days. That's not what an OK person would do." Raven was spitting out her words without a care. "This is enough."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Eat!" She exclaims, making Clarke jump on her seat. "That's all we're trying to do! She would worry that you're killing yourself worrying about her, you know. What would she say if she wakes up and finds you like this."

"I'm okay." Clarke clenches her jaw, she knows this was her being stubborn. But every bite feels like something she couldn't stomach. She can't be okay. She just has to be here. Every day she feels farther and farther from Lexa. She never knew that was possible.

"Stop being a child!" Raven bangs her fist on the closest table. "I understand that this is painful and tiring for you, Griffin. I get it."

"Ray." Octavia gives Raven a warning glare - she was almost out of line. None of them gets it. None of them knows her place. Her face softens as she turns to Clarke. Clarke simply turns the other way. "Please, Clarke." She allows herself to breathe. Softer, she adds, "Putting yourself in an unhealthy situation isn't going to help any of this."

"I just want her to wake up."

"We know, sweetie."

* * *

"What's this?" Abby asks about the velvet box beside Lexa's bed.

"They found it in her pocket when she was brought here."

"May I?" Motioning towards the box, asking if she could open it. Clarke gives a small nod and turns away. She's never seen the ring - she's been told it was a ring and that was painful enough.

"Oh it's beautiful." Clarke shuts her eyes and takes a deep breath. "Why don't you wear it?"

Clarke gapes at her like the answer to that is too obvious. "I can't. She's supposed to be the one to give me this."

"Clarke."

"No. She is. She will. She's going to wake up."

* * *

"Clarke."

Clarke looks up to her mother, twirling the ring they found in Lexa's pocket. She looked older than her years, exhausted. She still refuses to wear the ring, only playing with it.

"It's been a month." Abby starts warily, this was not a conversation she knows by heart. One she wished she would never have with her daughter. Her voice is soft - but there is only much softness to comfort Clarke from the next words. "I've talked to her doctors, I wanted to be the one to tell you. There is very little chance she wakes up."

"It's not fair." She croaks, willing herself to reply. Little chance she wakes up. She knew that. She doesn't believe it. She just doesn't want to. This isn't real, it can't be real.

"No, it isn't." Abby lets out a sigh, "I'm sorry."

"Are you really? You hated her since-" Clarke scoffs.

She sighs, cutting her daughter off, "I never hated her. I just -"

"Hated that she was a woman?" Clarke offered, bitterness heavily weaved with her words.

"I never had the chance to know her."

"You never gave her a chance."

"It wasn't easy to understand, Clarke. This is different waters. Especially with the distance and... I didn't know how to-"

"Accept me?"

Abby resigns. It was true. And at that point, there was no sense in denying it. There was no point in taking it back. There was no point in regretting it now. "I'm sorry."

"I love her."

"I know."

"She loves me." Clarke declared, but her voice starting to waiver. She moves closer to Clarke, offering her arms as comfort. The younger woman hesitates for a minute but allows herself to fall into her mother's arms.

"I believe that." Abby whispers, locking Clarke in a firm embrace.

"She's leaving me." There was no more hesitation from her. Clarke allowed her tears fall hard. She gives a whimper she's been holding for so long and buries her face on her mother's chest before letting out a muffled scream. _She's leaving me._

* * *

Lexa is on her 4th seizure that week, the 2nd for that day alone. Clarke feels her chest tighten with every shake. Lexa's heart stops again. They succeed in reviving her but her heartbeat is faint. Too faint. Clarke sees the doctors on standby for when her heart stops beating again.

"Mom." Clarke whispers with a breath she wasn't sure when she started holding. She looks defeated. She reaches out to Abby's arm who holds her firmly as it caught her. She leads herself to Lexa's bed and anchors herself to her side. She tucks a strand of Lexa's hair behind her ear before turning back to her mother.

"It's enough." She tells her in a whisper. "This is already too much for her. It's okay. It's enough."

She wonders if she says that for her benefit, for her mom or for Lexa. But her eyes doesn't leave her lover.

 _No more pain, for my love_

 _I am here, now go to sleep_

Abby watches her daughter sit at the edge of Lexa's bed, empathizing in a pain of loss she knows well. Clarke lays herself to Lexa's side and strokes her arm with her fingers. She wonders if Lexa can still feel her touch. If Lexa was still there. "Babe. It's been a good run, right?"

 _There's a heaven up there_

 _And it waits just for you_

"It's okay, babe. I'll be okay." She whispers to Lexa's ear, she repeats it over and over in her head in hopes of believing it. She hopes for a movement, any sign that it wasn't right. That all Lexa needed was more time. Lexa. _I need to know_. She shuts her eyes to contain the pain she wanted to release. She tries to ignore the sharp, cold feeling spreading continuously in her chest. She echoes her words in her head. _It's been a good run, right?_

 _And when my time arrives_

 _Please wait and make a place for me_

Lexa's heartbeat slows by the minute. Clarke can barely see her chest rise and she places her hand to Lexa's chest to believe that she is still alive. Barely. The quiet fills the air.

"So dry away the tears, lay aside your fears." Clarke starts with a song, her lips kissing Lexa's cheek as she goes. Her voice was shaking, barely a whisper. Her fingers move to tangle with Lexa's. She holds on to them tightly for the last time. She allows the tears to fall from her cheek. "No more pain, for my love. It is time. Now go to sleep."

 _Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep._


End file.
